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8 Things Hairdressers Say, Translated

We’ve already established that there are some things hairdressers just can’t say, but it doesn’t mean you’re not thinking them.

Your salon probably has its own code words, eyebrow raises and winks that only you understand, and there are a fair few scenarios where what you’re thinking is certainly not what will come out of your mouth every time.

We’ve translated those situations here for you, are we on the money?

The scenario: Your client is talking to you over the unrelenting sound of the blow-dryer.

You say: Yes, yep, totally.

You mean: I have no idea what you’re saying and hope you are asking yes or no questions for which these answers would make sense.

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The scenario: Your client is super late for their appointment (and on a really busy day too, isn’t that always the way?).

You say: Oh, that’s no problem at all.

You mean: You have seriously no idea how much you’ve messed up my day.

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The scenario: Your client misses their appointment all together.

You say: Next time please call with at least 24 hours’ notice to cancel.

You mean: *Cannot be published due to explicit content.

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The scenario: You’ve fallen behind in your salon to-do list.

You say: (Insert apprentice name here), let’s give (insert client name here) a complimentary treatment at the basin!

You mean: I really need that extra basin time to catch up with my other appointments.

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The scenario: Your client is asking for the impossible and doesn’t realise it.

You say: Oh yeah, I can totally do that.

You mean: I’m just going to do whatever the hell I want.

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The scenario: Your client has decided to give you some unsolicited advice.

You say: Thanks for the comment, I’ll take it on board.

You mean: Ummm, which one of us is the professional hairdresser here?

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The scenario: Your client is becoming way too personal with their chair chatter.

You say: *Nothing really, but you do spend more time than you should working on the back of their hair so you don’t have to look them in the eye.

You mean: Please stop talking.

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The scenario: A relative/friend/acquaintance asks for a free service on your day off.

You say: Sure, happy to do it.

You mean: You’re off the Christmas card list.

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